Things I say, and things I can’t say: to my son

Parents of victims of the gender industrial complex.

For those of us with “trans-identifying” children the road is long and there is no map. Those of us who lost the battle to protect our kids, from the grasp of the pharmaceutical companies, will forever wonder if we could have done anything to save them. I will never forget the day I discovered his stash and the howls of grief. I am not brought easily, to tears. On this day I rang a friend and we had to abort the call, temporarily, because of my incoherence.

The anger, eventually, expressed itself in the email I sent to my own GP. I was furious and felt so betrayed. I had kept him safe and had hoped he may have quietly desisted. Instead he had a Doctor’s appointment early November and the drugs arrived the week before Christmas. I still do not know his supplier. If it was my GP it took 2 appointments. If it was an on-line purveyor he could, at best, have had a zoom call.

Because it was before Christmas we did not want to have a confrontation and spoil that time. Indeed we did not want a “confrontation” at all. In the end we bit our tongues for about 12 weeks giving him opportunity to tell one of his parents. He never did. So, eventually, we drafted a note just to tell him we knew; didn’t agree with what he was doing but he was loved and would always have a home with us. We know that was important because trans-activists try to persuade our kids to find a “glitter” family and paint us as bigots who don’t really love our kids. We didn’t want to drive him further into the gender cult.

We were blindsided. We knew he had a fixation that he had an “authentic self” but he had ceased to ask us to collude with medication. He was well over the age he could have acted independently. He had never asked for pronouns, or a name change, didn’t complain about the photographs we had all about the house. He didn’t use women’s spaces or dress in anything suggestive of “women’s” clothes; just Jeans and baggy hoodies. I thought he was safe. He rocked waist length red hair, loved to bake and we spent time together watching series we both liked; and some I did not! (Real Housewives Franchise. Only a mother’s love could get me through that!). None of this has changed.

Did the doctor care? Did he know what was happening to our gay boys, at the Tavistock? Had he done any research or was he just going along with the latest fad because it is masquerading as a “Civil Rights” cause? By the time we were “out” to our son I wrote to the GP, my GP! I knew they were acting recklessly but, sadly, I fear they do not know this. He offered me support! Probably some re-education.

To this day I send the practice all my research and end each email with my full name and the fact that I am the mum of a much loved, gay, son and I will never give up on him. They soon grew tired of my emails and informed me they would no longer respond. (They only replied once).I understand that. They are bound by confidentiality and what can they say?

One of the worst aspects of this is I have to remain with the practice or lose my only way to try to prick their consciences. I send research papers, news articles, any posts by gay male detransitioners. I have lost faith in the medical profession over this issue and the NHS in general. That makes me very sad because I have always been a stalwart defender and active in groups set up to defend it.

To my son, I agreed I would not bring it up unless it was to alert him to the medical consequences of what he is doing /is being done to him. I also said I would send him details of gay male detransitioners. It is gender non-conforming, gay males, who are his tribe if he did but know it. I try not to raise the issues impacting women’s rights too much but I have told him it’s his duty to consider the impact on other groups of his “solution” to his issue. {I could not resist telling him about the man who wanted to advise girls/women about periods and, thank goodness, he agreed that was nonsense}.

It is heartbreaking watching our kids putting off the business of building a life; because they believe it cannot start until they have erased their current persona. The doctors going along with this have forgotten the first principle of medicine.